I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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