Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
