Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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