Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
