redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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