Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
