My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Randomize
