So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
