if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize