My girlfriend figured out who you are.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
