Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
