Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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