..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
