Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
