I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
