Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
