u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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