This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
