Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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