a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I am spending my child support on dildos
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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