Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize