i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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