Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
