you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
