I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
