I want to make a zoo with you.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
