True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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