I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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