my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize