I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
