Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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