If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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