White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
