She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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