i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
