he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
