I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
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You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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