You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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