i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
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it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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