You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
