you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
