the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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