new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Acid is not a monday night drug
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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