How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
