at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
