i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
