I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
