Just cropdusted the office
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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