turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
