I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
