I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize