What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just high enough for therapy.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
