Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
