if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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