People in love make me want to vomit
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
