He uses pillows to masturbate.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
