Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
