you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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