Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
