Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
